Jerry Mannel's Posterous

11 Jan 2011

Is Exercise Good?

1. If walking is so good for your health...the postman would be immortal

2. A whale swims all day ,only eats fish & drinks water......but is so fat.

3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.

4. A turtle does not run, does nothing & lives 450 years

To hell with Exercise! Sleep well, eat well!

11 Jan 2011

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his Mother in the doctor’s office. He inquisitively asked the lady, “Why is your stomach so big?” She replied, “I’m having a baby.” With big eyes, he asked, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She answered, “He sure is.” Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” With an even more surprised and shocked look he asked, “Then why did you eat him?”

13 Dec 2010

Perception: Women Vs Men

Two women friends chatting in office:

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterward talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

11 Dec 2010

Self Appraisal

A little boy went to a Telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store & dialed a number.
The store-Owner observed and listened to the Conversation:

Boy: "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
Boy: "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor & the stairs of your house for free.
Woman: No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy end call with thank you.

The Store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner: "Son...I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit & would like to offer you a job."
Boy: "No thanks,
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have.

I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!"

This is called "Self Appraisal"

11 Dec 2010

I always wanted to show my wife.

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money.

The man ignored him... But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, 'I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you.'

'I would have bought a cup of tea', replied the beggar.

The man said, 'Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea'.

He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, 'I don't smoke as it is injurious to health.

'The man smiled and took a bottle of whiskey from his pocket and told the beggar, 'Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. Its really good'.

The beggar refused by saying, 'Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver'.

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, 'I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets.

'If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone'. As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, 'Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit.' Suddenly the man felt relieved!! And asked the beggar to come to his home with him.

Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man... But he still had his doubts and asked the man, 'Why do you want me to go to your house with you'.

The man replies 'I always wanted to show my wife how a man with no Bad habits looks like'